Ten Tips on Positive Parenting Education

Parenting Education is all that we, "work at home moms" need to keep the family happy and sane and go with our business. We, most parents do love our children and want to do our very best. What we lack is appropriate resources and support and the effective techniques.

I remember when I was a young parent I was having trouble with my second child who appeared to be quite different from my first one. I had mistaken her vibrant, athletic, spontaneous personality as that of a hyperactive, easily distracted, loud kid's characteristics.

At this time I had to take a mandatory work shop in my education course which changed my life, attitude and my relationship with my child. This work shop on Parenting Education was given by Jane Nelson. Later, I have used her books and her techniques in teaching several Parenting Education classes. And I had very positive feed back.

The most important ten tips I learned on Parenting Education which I'll list here in short:

Quality time:

Spend some time with your little one on a regular basis when you really focus listening to her. Read book together.Play games that you both enjoy. Touch, cuddle, share things from your life. Let her know that you love her dearly, no matter what. Do this on a regular basis. This is the back bone of positive parenting.

Do the unexpected;

Withdraw from conflict. Act, don't nag. Say it once .Follow through with your action to be consistent. Use humor.

Use natural consequences.

Be bold enough to let your child face some natural consequences. If she forgets her home work or her lunch let her face the consequence,let her stay hungry. Don't drive to her school.

Use logical consequences

When the problem is yours and you can not afford a natural consequence use logical consequence. Explain it ahead to your child. An example:- your child runs to the busy street. Keep the door locked. He may lose the privilege of playing freely, alone in the front yard from now on.

Think ahead and be pro active to decide when and how you would choose .

Understand the difference between Reward and Re enforcement; Punishment and Positive time out.

Rewards and punishment don't work in the long run but re enforcement is essential. We don't need to make the child feel bad to take time out. Positive time out means taking some cooling off period. You can take that too to demonstrate -when you are upset or tired.

Separate the deed from the doer.

Emphasize with your choice of words that the wrong doing is bad but the person is not. Message of unconditional love must permeate.

Be kind and firm at the same time.

This is hard but essential. Without boundary freedom is meaningless. Over and over our children test us to check the boundary. It is one of the crucial thing in parenting

Understand the basic need behind the mischivious behavior.

There are usually four basic unmet needs.

An example;

Your child constantly interrupts you when you are talking with your friend. She feels you are not giving her the attention but giving it to your friend and enjoying it.

You stop momentarily to talk with her and ask her to stop. She starts again. You scold her. She throws a tantrum, messes up things that you don't want her to do. She wants to take revenge. You show that you are the boss and punish her. She retaliates telling you hurtful words and doing hurtful things. You are shocked. Your body language tells her that you disgusted.

To win she may go back to her old ways(if she is strong willed) or if she finds that she can never win she wills give up.

This is the hopeless stage when the child feels “I can never win, I am powerless”.

Let him feel powerful:

The feeling of powerlessness is the worst fear. We really don't want our children to feel that way and there are ways when you can easily pass the baton to them.

An example- you order to wear seat belts. They neglect. You scream or nag. It doesn't work. Give one of them the responsibility. One day just say-. “Johny,today you are responsible to make sure everyone is safe and wearing their sit belts . When I get your okay I'll start the car.” See what happens.

Family meetings:

Have a family meeting regularly when you discuss about upcoming things that need to be remembered. Involve the children.Show them how a big project can be broken into bite size pieces and how to follow through with plans, evaluate and proceed. Give feedback. Empower them.

This way you have guided them. If done regularly it will boost their respect for you and your guidance as well as their own self confidence.

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