Separation anxiety
Separation is something that we deal with several times throughout our life time- starting with the first day at school, to the ultimate one -death. As spring time rolls in, it is also the time for registering your preschooler to her new first school (may be which will start in Fall or Summer session). There might be few things that you can do now which will be very beneficial later on. If you invest the time for preparation, and a smooth transition, you will have rewards of a more secure child in future. Prepare yourself : Visit various programs now, talk to neighbors and friends who have kids of your child's age and listen to their feed back about the different schools. Prepare yourself to understand your child from his maturity aspect. For example, an infant below six months may take the transition quite smoothly even though it might be hard for you. A child beyond six months up to three years may scream, cry or cling when it is time to say good bye. The bright side is, this will be a big step in her development. Starting with simple peek a-boo games the child will gradually get the idea of the permanence of things. Older children will take the cue from you. If you are confident and positive the child will also learn to trust and take the separation issue with a positive stride. After you have done all the research and decided on the program of your liking, talk to your child about going to school. Prepare your child; Your enthusiasm, positive, confident approach will say a lot to her. Read books about going to school. Take her to the program for a brief period, talk with the teacher if possible. Driving around the facility several times before school starts, taking some pictures and displaying them where your child has easy access to them will encourage her to talk about it. Playing school at home, connecting with friends who might also be going there, all these are the foundation work that will be very beneficial later on. According to John Bowlby, secure attachment with special individuals is basic to human nature and humans instinctively respond with anxiety, sadness,or anger to unwilling separation and the treat of it. Separation anxiety has three distinct stages as described by Bowlby even though not all children will follow the precise steps or order always: 1.The initial stage is when the child protests and does anything in his power to stop the separation. 2.The next phase is when the child understands that it did not work and maybe will accept the separation reality. This may happen with apparent cheerfulness, withdrawal, anger or just a give-up attitude. 3.The last stage is when the child finds his niche in this new world. He weaves a relation ship with the caregiver, teacher and other fellows in the new surrounding and settles understanding that though he can not see his loved ones, mommy (or any crucial care givers) do exist and will be back. This last stage is also a part of the fundamental human need -we all want to move out into the vast world and then return to home. So this is normal and healthy. When parents understand and are not nervous themselves it helps the kids too. Now let's see what we can do to help 1.Communicate what is expected- what may happen. Take the child to the setting. Introduce him to the persons who will take care of him while mom will not be around. Taking pictures with them is a good idea if it is possible. Those pictures can help with the foundation of the process before he starts school or child care. 2. Maintain consistency and the rituals. Communicate what will happen and follow though. For example,"After your nap I'll come to pick you up... After break fast we'll go to school." And so on.. This is so important and many times we, parents forget to follow through what we say. 3. Try to understand things from the child's perspective. In his world objects are real. A favorite teddy is as valuable and living as a sibling. So if he insists that teddy goes with him to school, please do understand. Sitting in his cubby the teddy may protect him from evil bullies or give him some reassurance during nap time. 4. A bead necklace strung by both of you with a photo of a loved family member of his choice in the middle, may work. 5. Artwork or painting can be a powerful medium for a preschool age child to convey his feelings. Playing it out with stuffed toys worked with me as a mom. Letting children draw and make mama a card about how she feels worked for me as a teacher to solace a child. When it is time to pick up: What can you expect: May be he'll run and come to your arms. It may also be that she completely ignores your presence and refuses leaving school. Do not take it personally. Show the same kindness and firmness that you had shown in the beginning of the day. Pick up her belongings, wave a quick good bye to the teacher and friends, and leave. You two had a long day. A long day separation for your child. Give her some mommy time. Listen to her even though her stories may have some make-believe twist mixed with some real things in her real day. Remember your child may also want to know how your day went and share some of it making it bite size for him. Every day Be consistent Always say good bye Prepare for any changes Soon the daily separation and the joy of being together will be natural and you'll learn that the world is full of hellos and good bye After Separation anxiety please go to the Home Page for more options.
|
